Split View: 성장형 마인드셋, 좋은 영향력, 주변 사람의 마음을 얻는 법

Growth Mindset, Positive Influence, and How to Win People Over

Introduction

Throughout our lives, we meet countless people, work together, and build relationships. In that process, some people brighten their surroundings, while others unknowingly drain the energy of those around them.

I want to be a good person. I want to have a positive influence on those around me. I want to be someone people enjoy being with.

Everyone has this desire, but it is often difficult to know exactly how to achieve it. In this article, I have organized methods for becoming a better version of yourself around three pillars: growth mindset, positive influence, and the art of winning people over.

Part 1: Growth Mindset

1. Fixed vs. Growth Mindset

Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, through decades of research, categorized people's mindsets into two broad types.

Fixed Mindset

• Believes abilities are innate
• Views failure as proof of one's limitations
• Avoids challenges and stays in safe zones
• Feels threatened by others' success
• Interprets effort as evidence of lacking talent

Growth Mindset

• Believes abilities can be developed through effort and learning
• Uses failure as an opportunity for growth
• Welcomes challenges and seeks new experiences
• Finds inspiration in others' success
• Understands effort as a core part of the growth process

Self-Assessment Checklist

Answer the following questions honestly.

If many of the fixed responses apply to you, you can consciously start shifting your thinking. Mindset is not something you're born with -- it can be changed through practice.

2. Cultivating a Growth Mindset

The Power of "Yet"

The most powerful word Carol Dweck emphasizes is "Yet".

• Instead of "I can't do this," say "I can't do this yet"
• Instead of "This is too hard," say "This is still hard for me"
• Instead of "I'm not a leader," say "I haven't become a leader yet"

When the single word "yet" is added to a sentence, a dead end transforms into a path of possibility.

Redefining Failure

In a growth mindset, failure is not the end -- it's data.

Here is a framework for redefining failure:

1. Observe: What happened? (Record only the facts)
2. Analyze: Why did it turn out this way? (Root cause analysis)
3. Extract: What can I learn from this experience? (Lessons learned)
4. Apply: How will I do things differently next time? (Action plan)

Going through these four steps transforms failure from a setback into a growth asset.

The Art of Process Praise

The way we give praise also greatly affects mindset.

Praise to avoid (result/talent-focused):

• "You're so smart!"
• "That's genius!"
• "You're a natural!"

Recommended praise (process/effort-focused):

• "You showed such persistence in tackling that!"
• "I'm impressed that you tried a new strategy."
• "It's amazing that you didn't give up on the hard part."
• "It's great that you immediately applied what you learned from failure."

Process-focused praise sends the message that effort and strategy matter.

3. Grit -- Passion and Perseverance

University of Pennsylvania psychologist Angela Duckworth revealed that the strongest predictor of success is not talent, but grit.

The Two Components of Grit

• Passion: Sustained interest in long-term goals
• Perseverance: Endurance that refuses to give up in the face of difficulty

Four Ways to Build Grit

1. Discover Your Interest

Find the areas that genuinely fascinate you. Observe what activities make you lose track of time.

2. Deliberate Practice

Not simple repetition, but identifying weaknesses and working intensively to improve them. You must consciously step outside your comfort zone.

3. Sense of Purpose

The conviction that your work helps others beyond yourself becomes a source of long-term motivation.

4. Hope

The belief that you can get back up after falling down. This hope is closely connected to a growth mindset.

Grit is not a sprint but a marathon. Small daily efforts accumulate to create remarkable results.

Part 2: Positive Influence

4. Sources of Influence

True influence does not come from titles or authority. There are four sources of influence that make people follow voluntarily.

Expertise

Having deep knowledge and skills in a given field. People naturally gravitate toward those who continuously learn and willingly share what they know.

• Consistently studying the latest trends and skills
• Actively sharing knowledge with the team
• Honestly admitting what you don't know and being willing to learn together

Authenticity

People trust those whose inner values match their outward behavior.

• Living in alignment with your values
• Openly admitting mistakes rather than hiding them
• Sincere actions over flashy words

Consistency

Not changing your attitude based on mood or circumstances.

• Maintaining the same principles on good days and bad days
• No gap between words and actions
• Standards that don't shift over time

Empathy

The ability to think and feel from another person's perspective.

• Making an effort to understand others' feelings first
• Listening before judging
• Being present for people going through difficult times

5. Leadership vs. Authority

Authority Comes from Position; Leadership Comes from People

Servant Leadership

Servant leadership, proposed by Robert Greenleaf, is the philosophy that leaders serve first, and leadership emerges through that service.

The characteristics of a servant leader include:

1. Listening: Hearing team members' stories to the end
2. Empathy: Genuinely caring about team members' difficulties
3. Healing: Taking on the role of tending to team conflicts and wounds
4. Awareness: Accurately understanding the state of oneself and the team
5. Persuasion: Moving people through logic and inspiration, not authority
6. Growth support: Helping team members grow personally and professionally

Psychological Safety

This is the key element of high-performing teams discovered in Google's Project Aristotle research.

Characteristics of a team with high psychological safety:

• Mistakes can be admitted without being blamed
• There is no fear in asking questions or suggesting ideas
• Different opinions can be freely expressed
• Asking for help is not seen as a sign of weakness

How to increase psychological safety:

• Leaders share their own mistakes first
• Practice the principle that "there are no stupid questions"
• Guide disagreements toward constructive discussion rather than personal attacks
• Share lessons learned from failed attempts with the entire team

6. The Art of Mentoring

How to Be a Good Mentor

Mentoring is not simply about transferring knowledge. It is about helping others find answers on their own.

5 Habits of Effective Mentors:

1. Lead with questions: Ask good questions rather than just providing answers
2. Share experiences: Honestly share failures as well as successes
3. Tailored advice: Give advice suited to the mentee's situation and level
4. Patience: Respect the mentee's pace of growth
5. Connect networks: Link them with helpful people and opportunities

How to Be a Good Mentee

Mentoring is a two-way street. Being a good mentee leads to better mentoring.

5 Habits of Effective Mentees:

1. Prepare: Organize specific questions and concerns before meetings
2. Execute: Actually put the mentor's advice into action
3. Feedback: Share the results of applying the advice
4. Gratitude: Express sincere appreciation for the mentor's time and effort
5. Report growth: Periodically share your growth journey

The best mentoring relationships evolve over time into mutual growth partnerships where mentor and mentee learn from each other.

Part 3: Winning People Over

7. Dale Carnegie's Core Principles

Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People," published in 1936, remains a timeless bible of human relations even 90 years later.

Principle 1: Remember Names

Carnegie says the sweetest sound to a person is their own name.

• Make an effort to remember names accurately when you first meet someone
• Naturally use the other person's name during conversation
• Remembering someone's name after a long time creates a powerful impression

Principle 2: Show Genuine Interest

People are drawn to those who take a genuine interest in them.

• Ask about their interests and recent happenings
• Remember details from previous conversations and follow up
• Mentioning something you saw on their social media is also a nice touch

Principle 3: Listen

The secret to good conversation lies not in speaking, but in listening.

The techniques of active listening include:

• Eye contact: Focus by looking into their eyes
• Nodding: Show you're listening with appropriate responses
• Paraphrasing: Confirm understanding by repeating key points
• Withholding judgment: Don't rush to give advice or evaluations
• Respecting silence: Give the other person time to collect their thoughts

Principle 4: Think from the Other Person's Perspective

Focus not on what you want, but on what the other person wants.

• When making a request, first explain the benefits for the other person
• Try to fully understand their position before criticizing
• Deliver your opinions while protecting their self-esteem

Principle 5: Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

Not flattery, but genuine recognition is what matters.

• Praise specific actions or results
• Recognizing someone publicly amplifies the effect
• Build a habit of expressing gratitude even for small things

8. Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Emotional intelligence, proposed by Daniel Goleman, is the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions and those of others.

The 4 Domains of EQ

1. Self-Awareness

• The ability to recognize your emotional state in real time
• Understanding how emotions affect your behavior
• Objectively identifying your strengths and weaknesses

Practice: Try writing a 5-minute emotion journal each day. Record what you felt today, the causes, and how the emotions affected your behavior.

2. Self-Management

• The ability to regulate negative emotions in healthy ways
• The ability to control impulsive reactions
• Flexible coping with change and stress

Practice: When you feel angry or frustrated, don't react immediately -- try taking six seconds to breathe deeply. This brief pause can help regulate the amygdala's response.

3. Social Awareness = Empathy

• The ability to read others' emotions
• Grasping the dynamics and atmosphere of an organization
• Detecting nonverbal signals as well as verbal ones

Practice: During conversations, pay attention to the other person's facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. Try to understand not just the content of their words but the emotional context.

4. Relationship Management

• The ability to build and maintain healthy relationships
• Resolving conflicts constructively
• Fostering teamwork and collaboration

Practice: Try sending a gratitude message to one person each week. Writing specifically what you appreciate deepens the relationship.

9. Building Trust

Trust is not built overnight. It is the accumulation of small actions that builds a strong bridge of trust.

Keeping Promises

The most fundamental basis of trust is keeping promises.

• Keep even small promises (email response times, meeting attendance, etc.)
• Don't make promises you can't keep in the first place
• If you unavoidably can't keep a promise, let them know in advance and offer alternatives

Consistency

People who change their attitude based on mood easily lose trust.

• Treat everyone with the same principles
• What you say publicly and privately should be the same
• Core values should not waver over time

Showing Vulnerability

According to Brene Brown's research, showing vulnerability is not weakness but courage.

• Honestly saying "I don't know either"
• Willingly asking for help when needed
• Admitting mistakes and apologizing
• Expressing emotions honestly

People place deeper trust in authentic people rather than perfect ones.

The Trust Bank Account Metaphor

Stephen Covey compared relationships to bank accounts.

Deposit behaviors (building trust):

• Keeping promises
• Being kind
• Sincerely apologizing
• Making an effort to understand others' expectations
• Responding diligently even to small matters

Withdrawal behaviors (depleting trust):

• Breaking promises
• Being rude
• Talking behind someone's back
• Taking credit for others' work
• Embarrassing someone in front of others

When the trust account balance is sufficient, the relationship can withstand occasional mistakes.

10. Conflict Resolution -- Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

Nonviolent Communication, developed by Marshall Rosenberg, is a method for conveying your true feelings without hurting each other during conflicts.

The 4 Steps of NVC

Step 1: Observation

State only the facts without judgment or evaluation.

• Bad example: "You're always late."
• Good example: "This week, you arrived 10 minutes after the meeting start time three times."

Step 2: Feeling

Express how you feel about the observed situation.

• Bad example: "I feel like you're disrespecting me." (mixed with judgment)
• Good example: "That makes me a bit worried." (pure feeling)

Step 3: Need

Communicate the need behind your feeling.

• Bad example: "Shouldn't you come on time?" (blame)
• Good example: "I want us to start the meeting with everyone present." (expressing a need)

Step 4: Request

Make a specific, actionable request.

• Bad example: "Pay more attention." (vague)
• Good example: "Could you arrive 5 minutes before the next meeting?" (specific request)

NVC Practical Formula

Connecting the four steps into one sentence looks like this:

"When (observation), I feel (feeling), because (need). Could you (request)?"

Here is an example:

"You arrived late to the meeting three times this week (observation), and I feel a bit worried (feeling), because it's important for the whole team to start together (need). Could you arrive 5 minutes early starting from the next meeting (request)?"

Following this formula allows you to clearly express your opinion while preventing the other person from becoming defensive.

Action Roadmap

It is impossible to apply all of this at once. Practice one thing at a time, step by step.

Week 1: Mindset Check

• Complete the self-assessment checklist
• Consciously use the word "yet" once a day
• Start an emotion journal

Week 2: Listening and Interest

• Ask one person a genuine question each day
• Put your phone down during conversations
• Call people by their names

Week 3: Building Trust

• Keep one small promise without fail
• Honestly admit when you make a mistake
• Send a gratitude message

Week 4: NVC Practice

• Practice speaking in the 4 steps of observation/feeling/need/request during conflicts
• Convert blame into specific requests
• Try to identify the other person's needs as well

Closing Thoughts

Growth mindset, positive influence, and the art of winning people over ultimately converge into a single message:

In the process of becoming a better version of yourself, those around you grow together.

Don't try to be a perfect person. Just try to be a little better than yesterday. And when you treat people with sincerity throughout that process, influence naturally follows.

Today, show one person genuine interest. That is the smallest -- and most certain -- first step toward making a better world.

References

• Carol Dweck - Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (2006)
• Angela Duckworth - Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance (2016)
• Dale Carnegie - How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936)
• Daniel Goleman - Emotional Intelligence (1995)
• Brene Brown - Daring Greatly (2012)
• Marshall Rosenberg - Nonviolent Communication (1999)
• Robert Greenleaf - Servant Leadership (1977)
• Stephen Covey - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1989)
• Google Re:Work - Guide: Understand Team Effectiveness